How to Manage Relationships When Working from Home

This article was written in 2020, when Victoria was in strict lockdown. While we are no longer all having to stay at home or work from home all of the time, many of these tips still apply!

Everyone’s family and living situation is unique but one thing is for sure: everyone experiences conflict with family members. When partners are working from home, new sources of conflict are inevitable.

If you are living with your partner (or ex-partner) and children (or step-children), there are ways to minimise conflict. Here are a few:

1. Daily Time Alone

It can be hard to find somewhere to be alone, but it’s great to have somewhere in the house where you can be undisturbed – to work, to relax, to cry, to talk on the phone, to read a book. You might need to negotiate times of the day when this is your space to be alone.

You also might want to leave house every day, on your own. This is your daily respite – not only is exercise good for mental health, it’s time to be away from your family. Everyone needs this.

2. Communication with your partner

It’s important to communicate regularly with your partner/ex-partner, for two reasons:

• to discuss and agree on living arrangements (parenting, shared spaces, managing work and housework)

• to connect and build the relationship: even if you are separated, ongoing communication is vital. Don’t communicate via your children they can see it for what it is. Ignoring your partner creates tension that affects everyone’s well-being. Constant arguing in front of children is harmful to them.

If you need to have a difficult conversation, go for a walk. If lots of things are bugging you, prioritise and focus just on the things that matter the most. Be clear about why something is a problem and suggest a solution, or better still listen to each other and come up with one together. If one of you is angry or upset, know when to stop. Make another time to continue the discussion. Remember it’s hard to resolve matters when adrenaline is high. You can’t think clearly. A conversation in a bad mood is a bad conversation.

3. Parenting

Differences in parenting styles are much more evident when you’re together all the time. However, the more consistent you can be, the better. At the least, agree on rough guidelines (such as bedtimes, meals, homework, time on devices). Back each other up. Agree on how to divide the parenting tasks and make it fair.

And finally. Be kind. To your partner, your kids and yourself.

If you want to talk about conflict coaching or family mediation, please reach out to me.